When I was a kid, there were a series of dolls under the name Magic Nursery. The selling point was that you didn't know if the doll was a boy or a girl until you got it home and ripped off it's little bonnet in a frenzy of anticipation. The boys had flat plastic waves of hair, like Ken of Ken & Barbie, and the girls had a tuft of real hair (or as real as synthetic doll hair gets). It also came with a birth announcement you ran under warm water to reveal the hidden gender.
After much begging, my mother bought me one at Sears', and at home (or maybe even in the car on the way home) I ripped off the hat and found it was a little boy. I was somewhat disappointed, because, hell, girl dolls are always more fun than boy dolls. They have more clothes and more accessories! It's a sad but true statement. But when I ran my baby boy's birth announcement under the faucet in my mom's bathroom it read Twins.
I got to send off for another baby, a little girl. I named her Jennifer Ariel and her brother was Eric, because I loved the Little Mermaid. Of course now I think, "Ew, incest names!"
This whole story is to say that a.) my taste in names is much better than it was then, and b.) I am fascinated by twins and how people name them. Since my Magic Nursery dolls, I've always felt that I was destined by have twins one day. Of course, my sister had a Magic Nursery dog, where you can pull open her velcro stomach and see how many puppies you got, and I don't think she's ever felt destined to have three puppies, one with a little bow on her head.
For about a month I've been tracking the birth announcements of twins published on hospitals' websites. It fascinates me that parents are still so obsessed with matchiness. To go on another tangent, my father was a twin, and when my grandmother was in the hospital shortly after he and his sister were born, the lady in the next bed suggested Bonnie & Donnie as names. My grandmother was appalled and named them John & Victoria, because she was sensible and had good taste. Imagine that!
Twins' birth announcements I've collected:
Adalynn Jane and Gwendalynn Lee
Amanda Lee and Amber Marie
Aubrey Lea and Madison Lea
Emilee Sage and Kate Noel
Layla Ann Marie and Sophie Katherine
Meliah Larose and Miah Rae
Mya Jean and Payge Ann
Bryce David and Zachary Michael
Logun Michael and Luke William
Abby Renee and Owen Robert
Addison Marie and Michael Mark
Allie Jo and Jordy Dillon
A'Mariah Zoe and Edwin
Aqua Marianna and Atchison Bluenyte
Cameren Marie-Kay and Samuel Codi
Faydra and Wyatt
Jessica Rose-Lynn and Joshua Phillip
Kendal Rose and Tucker Erik
Madison Elaine and Luke Michael
Reese Nicole and Ryder Lee
Samantha Elaine and Adam Steven
Seranae Isabela Sierra and Serhue Isaiah Steven
The only ones that aren't misspelled, trendy, or matchy (if not all three) are Samantha Elaine & Adam Steven; Layla Ann Marie & Sophie Katherine; and Bryce David & Zachary Michael. So huzzah to their sleep-deprived parents, and virtual shame to the rest, especially Aqua and Atchison. Is Bluenyte supposed to be blue night, do you think?
Interestingly, this is one place where I think celebrities tend to name better, on average, than the regular public. I'm not sure why. This is a chronological list (youngest to oldest) of twins born to famous folks.
Max & Emme (Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony)
Thomas Boone & Zoe Grace (Dennis Quaid)
John David & Lucy Elizabeth (Nancy Grace)
Eden & Savannah (Marcia Cross)
Sullivan Patrick & Darby Galen (Patrick Dempsey)
Johnnie Rose & Miller Steven (Melissa Etheridge & Tammy Lynn Michaels)
Dexter Henry Lorcan & Frank Harlan James (Elvis Costello & Diana Krall)
Slater Josiah and Bronwyn Golden (Courtney B. Vance and Angela Bassett)
Henry Benjamin & Julianna Tex (Emily Robison, of the Dixie Chicks)
Hudson Harden & Julitta Dee (Marcia Gay Harden)
Kian William & Kaiis Steven (Geena Davis)
Hazel Patricia & Phinnaeus Walter (Julia Roberts)
Kathleen Emilie & Eva Ruth (Martie Maguire, of the Dixie Chicks)
Kate Elizabeth and Max Aaron. Kimberly Elise and Jack Andrew. (Joan Lunden)
Dakota Alan & Danilee Kelly (Chuck & Gena Norris)
Grace Anne & Stella Busina (Dave Matthews)
Henry David & Rufus Logan (James Taylor)
Isabelle Rose & Grace Elisabeth (Lance Armstrong)
Anton James & Olivia Rose (Al Pacino & Beverly D'Angelo)
Maya & Kaila (Justin Chambers)
Aquinnah Kathleen & Schuyler Frances (Michael J. Fox & Tracy Pollan)
Aaron Kendrick & Julian Henry (Robert DeNiro)
Kristopher Steven & John Stacy (Jane Seymour)
Matthew & Gregory (Ray & Anna Romano)
Katya Amelia & Eliza Victoria (Charles & Victoria Spencer, Princess Diana's brother)
Malcolm Hayes & Olivia Rashelle (Denzel & Paulette Washington)
Molly Ariel "Ariel" & Cyrus Zachariah "Zack" (Cybill Shepherd)
Jocelyn Carlyle & Paige Carlyle (Ron Howard)
Richard Ross "Ross" & Rachel Moore (Jane Pauley & Gary Trudeau)
Edward & Christian (Mel Gibson)
Matthew Phineas & Sascha Villiers (Mia Farrow & Andre Previn)
Isabella Fiorella Elettra Giovanna Rossellini & Isotta Ingrid Frieda Giuliana Rossellini (Ingrid Bergman & Roberto Rosselini)
Obviously there are some failures-- Chuck Norris' and Melissa Etheridge's twins stand out-- but there's a lot of beauty there too. I'm particularly impressed with James Taylor, Dave Matthews, Pacino and DeNiro. So, as celebrities and our few real-world parents have demonstrated, succcessful twin naming is possible. Remember: they are not a matched set!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Yes, they can name! (Part the last)
I love making lists of good names, and I found more than a few in the current governors' families. I'm giving Colorado, Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, and Wisconsin a round of mental applause. Yahoo!
My favorites:
Bill Ritter (Colorado): wife Jeannie; sons August, Abraham (Abe) and Samuel (Sam); daughter Natalie (Tally). I admit my naming weakness for boys is traditional names with short snappy nicknames that sound like a list of New York City barbers circa 1905. I'm talking Cal, Hal, Mose, Gus, and Abe. That taste isn't as strange as it would have been only a few short years ago-- see the re-emergence of Max for proof-- but it's still rare to find someone who shares it. Mr. Ritter, you are the governor of my heart!
Rod Blagojevich (Illinois): wife Patricia; daughters Amy and Anne. Anne-with-an-E! Oh, how I love it's delicate simplicity and warm, supple strength. Erm, that is... Anne is an outstanding choice! I also applaud Mr. Blagojevich for going with simple, sturdy names, since their surname is a bit of a tongue twister.
Chet Culver (Iowa): wife Mariclare; daughter Clare Honour; son John William. I admit, I'm not sure about this spelling of Honour, since, from what I know of England, the American spelling, Honor, seems more commonly used as a name. But I do love the feel of Clare Honour as a combo, and John William is handsome and distinguished.
Tim Pawlenty (Minnesota): wife Mary; daughters Anna and Mara. I freaking love the name Mara, and I'm stoked to see it used. Anna and Mara are delightful together.
Jim Doyle (Wisconsin): wife Jessica, sons Augustus (Gus) and Gabriel (Gabe). Another Gus! What a thrill. I'm again very pleasantly surprised by these names. Augustus Doyle and Gabriel Doyle have such a weighty, intelligent sound, and Gus and Gabe are wonderfully approachable, every-day nicknames.
Bravo!
My favorites:
Bill Ritter (Colorado): wife Jeannie; sons August, Abraham (Abe) and Samuel (Sam); daughter Natalie (Tally). I admit my naming weakness for boys is traditional names with short snappy nicknames that sound like a list of New York City barbers circa 1905. I'm talking Cal, Hal, Mose, Gus, and Abe. That taste isn't as strange as it would have been only a few short years ago-- see the re-emergence of Max for proof-- but it's still rare to find someone who shares it. Mr. Ritter, you are the governor of my heart!
Rod Blagojevich (Illinois): wife Patricia; daughters Amy and Anne. Anne-with-an-E! Oh, how I love it's delicate simplicity and warm, supple strength. Erm, that is... Anne is an outstanding choice! I also applaud Mr. Blagojevich for going with simple, sturdy names, since their surname is a bit of a tongue twister.
Chet Culver (Iowa): wife Mariclare; daughter Clare Honour; son John William. I admit, I'm not sure about this spelling of Honour, since, from what I know of England, the American spelling, Honor, seems more commonly used as a name. But I do love the feel of Clare Honour as a combo, and John William is handsome and distinguished.
Tim Pawlenty (Minnesota): wife Mary; daughters Anna and Mara. I freaking love the name Mara, and I'm stoked to see it used. Anna and Mara are delightful together.
Jim Doyle (Wisconsin): wife Jessica, sons Augustus (Gus) and Gabriel (Gabe). Another Gus! What a thrill. I'm again very pleasantly surprised by these names. Augustus Doyle and Gabriel Doyle have such a weighty, intelligent sound, and Gus and Gabe are wonderfully approachable, every-day nicknames.
Bravo!
...but can they name? (continued)
The "Well, that's tolerable, I suppose" group is that ill-defined set of families whose names aren't quite up to snuff but couldn't be called bad. Of course, compared to the governors' families in my last entry, they look positively radiant. Let's begin!
Arnold Scwarzenegger (California): wife Maria; sons Patrick Arnold and Christopher Sargent Shriver; daughters Katherine Eunice and Christina Maria Aurelia. AH-nuld came very close to getting included in the "My Favorites" list (yet to be posted). I love his daughters' names in particular; Aurelia is sophisticated and gorgeous. However, I just can't get behind a Christopher and Christina in the same family. That's way too close for me.
M(ary) Jodi Rell (Connecticut): husband Lou; daughter Meredith; son Michael. First off, if your name is Mary, why choose to go by Jodi? Jodi Rell sounds like a 20-something airhead. Mary Rell sounds like a distinguished lady. Beyond that, her children's names, while not offensive, have been ruined for me by the comic strip For Better or Worse, which offends me just by existing.
Ruth Miner (Delaware): sons Frank, Wayne, and Gary. I adore Frank, but I feel rather bad for Wayne. It has a bucktoothed redneck deputy image to me, and I'm not sure why. Perhaps the similarity to Dwayne? John Wayne? It's a puzzlement.
Sonny Perdue (Georgia): wife Mary; daughters Leigh and Lara; sons James and Daniel. His real name, thankfully, is George Perdue, but he chooses to go by Sonny, again for reasons that baffle me. Sonny is a name that should fall by the wayside when a child turns 10. His sons' names are fine, but I don't like the matchiness of the daughters. And Leigh is one of those boring-as-toast names. If you don't want to put any thought into naming children, they always end up Elizabeth, John, or Leigh. I read Beverly Cleary's Dear Mr. Henshaw as a child, and since I was a name nerd even at that tender age, I could never fully enjoy it because the hero was named Leigh.
Butch Otter (Idaho): son John; daughters Carolyn, Kimberly Dawn, and Corrine. I know I should be aghast that at a grown man still going by Butch, but I just can't work up the horror. Butch otter is simply too hilarious of a juxtaposition. I keep picturing an adorable little otter with a mullet and a flannel shirt. Probably not the image old Butch was going for. Anyway, this family epitomizes the "it's okay" category. There's nothing outright wrong with any of the names. Corrine and John, in fact, are quite charming. But together they're just... eh. All right, but nothing to get excited about. I suppose you could say they're no BUTCH OTTER! (cue Indigo Girls music)
Steve Beshear (Kentucky): wife Jane; sons Andrew and Jeffrey. Bonus: his daughter-in-law's name is Britainy, one of the most outrageous spellings of that awful name I've ever come across. Geez, Britainy Beshear.
John Baldacci (Maine): wife Karen; son Jack. Earlier I noted that parents who don't put any thought into naming their children usually end up with Elizabeth or John. Well, I should update that for this era: They will end up with Jacob, Madison, Emily, or Jack.
Martin O'Malley (Maryland): wife Catherine (Katie); sons William and Jack; daughters Grace and Tara. I have to take a moment to sing the praises of Martin. Why does Martin get no love? It's masculine, strong, and a true classic, with wonderful social and artistic namesakes. Yeah, Marty isn't a great nickname by the standards of today, but Martin still deserves some consideration.
Deval Patrick (Massachussetts): wife Diane; daughters Sarah and Katherine. This is a great example of rising above the naming injustices perpetrated by the previous generation. Deval Laurdine Patrick turned around and gave his daughters real, beautiful, classy names that will serve them well for 100 years.
Jennifer Granholm (Michigan): husband Daniel; daughters Kathryn and Cecelia; son Jack. Another Jack! See what I mean? Despite the ubiquitousness of that particular name, I would gladly have put this family on the "My Favorites" list if not for the spellings of their daughters' names. Kathryn is an early trendism; Catherine, Katherine, and even Katharine are far superior. Cecelia is a pointless variation on the lovely Cecilia. I've often wondered if it originated because parents' wanted to call their Cecelias Celia, and didn't realize the nickname doesn't have to be spelled out in the name itself. It's this dull sort of thinking that leads to Abbygayle and Maddielynn today.
Matt Blunt (Missouri): wife Melanie; son William Branch. I'm intrigued by William's middle name. Where does it come from? I thought it could be a family surname, but it doesn't belong to his wife or his mother. Possibly his wife's mother? Also, speeches indicate he refers to his son as William Branch, which is just a little too yuppie for me.
Brian Schweitzer (Montana): wife Nancy; son Benjamin and Khai; daughter Katrina. Again, another governor who was so close to hitting a home run. Benjamin is lovely, and Katrina is lyrical and unexpected. But Khai? What the fuck is Khai? My mind, she boggles.
Dave Heineman (Nebraska): wife Sally; son Sam. I couldn't find any information as to whether Sam was a Samuel or just plain Sam. It's one of my shadowy secrets that I actually prefer Sam by itself; Samuel reminds me of Tori Spelling saying Screech "Samuel" Powers's name on Saved by the Bell. Remember, when she played Violet, his bespectacled, nerdy girlfriend? And yet her Dad never helped her get an acting job? I'm not sure if the fact that she ruined the name for me has to do with me being a sad, lonely child with no friends and too much time to watch TV; or Tori Spelling's inherent evilness.
Jim Gibbons (Nevada): wife Dawn; sons Christopher and James Arthur Jr.; daughter Jennifer. My word, a daughter named Jennifer, born circa the 1960s-1970s. Stop the presses!
John Lynch (New Hampshire): wife Susan; daughters Jacqueline and Julia; son Hayden. I don't fancy Hayden, but hey, at least he didn't complete the J trifecta with Jayden! It's the small victories.
Jon Corzine (New Jersey): sons Joshua and Jeffrey; daughter Jennifer. Speaking of J trifectas. I think every J-overload family I've known (and there've been a few-- J is a popular letter for trendy parents, though now they seem to be moving en masse to K) has had either a Joshua or a Jason. Neither here nor there, just a note.
David Paterson (New York): wife Michelle; son Alexander. The new boy on the block, David Paterson has already done better than Eliot Spitzer on one count-- he gave his son a good name. (Spitzer's three daughters are Elyssa, Sarabeth, and Jenna.) Paterson also has a stepdaughter named Ashley, whose name he cannot be held responsible for.
Mike Easley (North Carolina): wife Mary; son Michael Francis Jr. Time (again) for a possibly (probably) unpopular opinion. I don't like juniors. I think it robs the child of the sense of identity an individual, unique name would provide. That goes double when the parent is famous or relatively well-known. For example, imagine growing up as Harrison Ford Jr. Talk about never having a chance to be seen on your own merits! In that case, your father's successes or failings are literally stamped on you, as his torch bearer. I always felt bad for Frank Sinatra Jr. in this respect.
John Hoeven (North Dakota): wife Mical "Mikey"; daughter Marcela; son Jack. Marcela is interesting and rather wonderful, but I just can't put a "Mical" on the good list. It's horrible! And Mikey as a nickname isn't any better. Assuming her middle name isn't Eunice or Hortense, I haven't an idea why she isn't going by it.
Ted Kulongoski (Oregon): wife Mary; sons Theodore and Justin; daughter Kristin. Another junior-- they're depressingly common in political families. My earlier comment on feeling bad for Frank Sintara Jr. can be taken and doubled in the case of John F. Kennedy Jr. And to get stuck with something so stupid as John-John on top of it. (Yes, I'm aware his family never called him that, but it remained associated with him in the press, unfortunately.)
Ed Rendell (Pennsylvania): wife Marjorie; son Jesse. Much like Carrie did for Cary and Frances for Francis, Jessica screwed it up for Jesse. I rather like it, but the similarity in sound to the feminine nickname turns many people off.
Don Carcieri (Rhode Island): wife Suzanne; son Mathew; daughters Alison, Jill, and Sarah. Another great example of the "it's okay" category. Alison and Sarah are nice; Mathew would be too if it were spelled correctly. I don't like Jill as a stand-alone, and I prefer the Gillian spelling.
Mike Rounds (South Dakota): wife Jean; sons Brian, John, and Christopher; daughter Carrie. I just don't get Carrie as a stand-alone. There are so many names Carrie could be short for-- Caroline, Carolyn, Charlotte, Carissa, Carol-- what is the reasoning behind Just Carrie?
Phil Bredesen (Tennesse): wife Andrea; son Benjamin. Say Ben Bredesen aloud. Pretty rhymey, ain't it?
Jon Huntsman Jr (Utah): wife Mary Kaye; daughters Mary Anne, Abigail, Elizabeth, Gracie, and Asha; sons Jon III and William. I don't think it's a surprise to find out the governor from Utah has the most children of all the reigning state leaders. I have to say, I was actually impressed by how little these sucked. My only major complaint is Gracie as a stand-alone name, when Grace would have been so much easier. And, bonus! It actually ages past 7 years old! I will also quibble with both parents getting juniors (at least that's assuming Mary Anne was named for Mary Kaye), but on the whole, Jon & Mary Kaye did a pretty good job.
Jim Douglas (Vermont): wife Dorothy; sons Matthew and Andrew
Christine Gregoire (Washington): husband Mike; daughters Courtney and Michelle. Dollars to donuts Michelle would have been a Mikey if she'd been a boy.
Joe Manchin (West Virginia): wife Gayle; daughters Heather and Brooke; son Joseph. I have never met a non-bitchy Heather. I don't know that it's possible. Logically I'm sure it must be, but still, I've known several and it hasn't happened yet.
Dave Freudenthal (Wyoming): wife Nancy; sons Donald and Bret; daughters Hillary and Katie. I couldn't determine through Google if Katie is a Kate, Katherine, Kathleen, or simply Katie. I can determine through the awesomeness of good taste that Bret is a lame spelling and Hillary is a one-woman name, and I'm not talking about Mz. Duff.
Arnold Scwarzenegger (California): wife Maria; sons Patrick Arnold and Christopher Sargent Shriver; daughters Katherine Eunice and Christina Maria Aurelia. AH-nuld came very close to getting included in the "My Favorites" list (yet to be posted). I love his daughters' names in particular; Aurelia is sophisticated and gorgeous. However, I just can't get behind a Christopher and Christina in the same family. That's way too close for me.
M(ary) Jodi Rell (Connecticut): husband Lou; daughter Meredith; son Michael. First off, if your name is Mary, why choose to go by Jodi? Jodi Rell sounds like a 20-something airhead. Mary Rell sounds like a distinguished lady. Beyond that, her children's names, while not offensive, have been ruined for me by the comic strip For Better or Worse, which offends me just by existing.
Ruth Miner (Delaware): sons Frank, Wayne, and Gary. I adore Frank, but I feel rather bad for Wayne. It has a bucktoothed redneck deputy image to me, and I'm not sure why. Perhaps the similarity to Dwayne? John Wayne? It's a puzzlement.
Sonny Perdue (Georgia): wife Mary; daughters Leigh and Lara; sons James and Daniel. His real name, thankfully, is George Perdue, but he chooses to go by Sonny, again for reasons that baffle me. Sonny is a name that should fall by the wayside when a child turns 10. His sons' names are fine, but I don't like the matchiness of the daughters. And Leigh is one of those boring-as-toast names. If you don't want to put any thought into naming children, they always end up Elizabeth, John, or Leigh. I read Beverly Cleary's Dear Mr. Henshaw as a child, and since I was a name nerd even at that tender age, I could never fully enjoy it because the hero was named Leigh.
Butch Otter (Idaho): son John; daughters Carolyn, Kimberly Dawn, and Corrine. I know I should be aghast that at a grown man still going by Butch, but I just can't work up the horror. Butch otter is simply too hilarious of a juxtaposition. I keep picturing an adorable little otter with a mullet and a flannel shirt. Probably not the image old Butch was going for. Anyway, this family epitomizes the "it's okay" category. There's nothing outright wrong with any of the names. Corrine and John, in fact, are quite charming. But together they're just... eh. All right, but nothing to get excited about. I suppose you could say they're no BUTCH OTTER! (cue Indigo Girls music)
Steve Beshear (Kentucky): wife Jane; sons Andrew and Jeffrey. Bonus: his daughter-in-law's name is Britainy, one of the most outrageous spellings of that awful name I've ever come across. Geez, Britainy Beshear.
John Baldacci (Maine): wife Karen; son Jack. Earlier I noted that parents who don't put any thought into naming their children usually end up with Elizabeth or John. Well, I should update that for this era: They will end up with Jacob, Madison, Emily, or Jack.
Martin O'Malley (Maryland): wife Catherine (Katie); sons William and Jack; daughters Grace and Tara. I have to take a moment to sing the praises of Martin. Why does Martin get no love? It's masculine, strong, and a true classic, with wonderful social and artistic namesakes. Yeah, Marty isn't a great nickname by the standards of today, but Martin still deserves some consideration.
Deval Patrick (Massachussetts): wife Diane; daughters Sarah and Katherine. This is a great example of rising above the naming injustices perpetrated by the previous generation. Deval Laurdine Patrick turned around and gave his daughters real, beautiful, classy names that will serve them well for 100 years.
Jennifer Granholm (Michigan): husband Daniel; daughters Kathryn and Cecelia; son Jack. Another Jack! See what I mean? Despite the ubiquitousness of that particular name, I would gladly have put this family on the "My Favorites" list if not for the spellings of their daughters' names. Kathryn is an early trendism; Catherine, Katherine, and even Katharine are far superior. Cecelia is a pointless variation on the lovely Cecilia. I've often wondered if it originated because parents' wanted to call their Cecelias Celia, and didn't realize the nickname doesn't have to be spelled out in the name itself. It's this dull sort of thinking that leads to Abbygayle and Maddielynn today.
Matt Blunt (Missouri): wife Melanie; son William Branch. I'm intrigued by William's middle name. Where does it come from? I thought it could be a family surname, but it doesn't belong to his wife or his mother. Possibly his wife's mother? Also, speeches indicate he refers to his son as William Branch, which is just a little too yuppie for me.
Brian Schweitzer (Montana): wife Nancy; son Benjamin and Khai; daughter Katrina. Again, another governor who was so close to hitting a home run. Benjamin is lovely, and Katrina is lyrical and unexpected. But Khai? What the fuck is Khai? My mind, she boggles.
Dave Heineman (Nebraska): wife Sally; son Sam. I couldn't find any information as to whether Sam was a Samuel or just plain Sam. It's one of my shadowy secrets that I actually prefer Sam by itself; Samuel reminds me of Tori Spelling saying Screech "Samuel" Powers's name on Saved by the Bell. Remember, when she played Violet, his bespectacled, nerdy girlfriend? And yet her Dad never helped her get an acting job? I'm not sure if the fact that she ruined the name for me has to do with me being a sad, lonely child with no friends and too much time to watch TV; or Tori Spelling's inherent evilness.
Jim Gibbons (Nevada): wife Dawn; sons Christopher and James Arthur Jr.; daughter Jennifer. My word, a daughter named Jennifer, born circa the 1960s-1970s. Stop the presses!
John Lynch (New Hampshire): wife Susan; daughters Jacqueline and Julia; son Hayden. I don't fancy Hayden, but hey, at least he didn't complete the J trifecta with Jayden! It's the small victories.
Jon Corzine (New Jersey): sons Joshua and Jeffrey; daughter Jennifer. Speaking of J trifectas. I think every J-overload family I've known (and there've been a few-- J is a popular letter for trendy parents, though now they seem to be moving en masse to K) has had either a Joshua or a Jason. Neither here nor there, just a note.
David Paterson (New York): wife Michelle; son Alexander. The new boy on the block, David Paterson has already done better than Eliot Spitzer on one count-- he gave his son a good name. (Spitzer's three daughters are Elyssa, Sarabeth, and Jenna.) Paterson also has a stepdaughter named Ashley, whose name he cannot be held responsible for.
Mike Easley (North Carolina): wife Mary; son Michael Francis Jr. Time (again) for a possibly (probably) unpopular opinion. I don't like juniors. I think it robs the child of the sense of identity an individual, unique name would provide. That goes double when the parent is famous or relatively well-known. For example, imagine growing up as Harrison Ford Jr. Talk about never having a chance to be seen on your own merits! In that case, your father's successes or failings are literally stamped on you, as his torch bearer. I always felt bad for Frank Sinatra Jr. in this respect.
John Hoeven (North Dakota): wife Mical "Mikey"; daughter Marcela; son Jack. Marcela is interesting and rather wonderful, but I just can't put a "Mical" on the good list. It's horrible! And Mikey as a nickname isn't any better. Assuming her middle name isn't Eunice or Hortense, I haven't an idea why she isn't going by it.
Ted Kulongoski (Oregon): wife Mary; sons Theodore and Justin; daughter Kristin. Another junior-- they're depressingly common in political families. My earlier comment on feeling bad for Frank Sintara Jr. can be taken and doubled in the case of John F. Kennedy Jr. And to get stuck with something so stupid as John-John on top of it. (Yes, I'm aware his family never called him that, but it remained associated with him in the press, unfortunately.)
Ed Rendell (Pennsylvania): wife Marjorie; son Jesse. Much like Carrie did for Cary and Frances for Francis, Jessica screwed it up for Jesse. I rather like it, but the similarity in sound to the feminine nickname turns many people off.
Don Carcieri (Rhode Island): wife Suzanne; son Mathew; daughters Alison, Jill, and Sarah. Another great example of the "it's okay" category. Alison and Sarah are nice; Mathew would be too if it were spelled correctly. I don't like Jill as a stand-alone, and I prefer the Gillian spelling.
Mike Rounds (South Dakota): wife Jean; sons Brian, John, and Christopher; daughter Carrie. I just don't get Carrie as a stand-alone. There are so many names Carrie could be short for-- Caroline, Carolyn, Charlotte, Carissa, Carol-- what is the reasoning behind Just Carrie?
Phil Bredesen (Tennesse): wife Andrea; son Benjamin. Say Ben Bredesen aloud. Pretty rhymey, ain't it?
Jon Huntsman Jr (Utah): wife Mary Kaye; daughters Mary Anne, Abigail, Elizabeth, Gracie, and Asha; sons Jon III and William. I don't think it's a surprise to find out the governor from Utah has the most children of all the reigning state leaders. I have to say, I was actually impressed by how little these sucked. My only major complaint is Gracie as a stand-alone name, when Grace would have been so much easier. And, bonus! It actually ages past 7 years old! I will also quibble with both parents getting juniors (at least that's assuming Mary Anne was named for Mary Kaye), but on the whole, Jon & Mary Kaye did a pretty good job.
Jim Douglas (Vermont): wife Dorothy; sons Matthew and Andrew
Christine Gregoire (Washington): husband Mike; daughters Courtney and Michelle. Dollars to donuts Michelle would have been a Mikey if she'd been a boy.
Joe Manchin (West Virginia): wife Gayle; daughters Heather and Brooke; son Joseph. I have never met a non-bitchy Heather. I don't know that it's possible. Logically I'm sure it must be, but still, I've known several and it hasn't happened yet.
Dave Freudenthal (Wyoming): wife Nancy; sons Donald and Bret; daughters Hillary and Katie. I couldn't determine through Google if Katie is a Kate, Katherine, Kathleen, or simply Katie. I can determine through the awesomeness of good taste that Bret is a lame spelling and Hillary is a one-woman name, and I'm not talking about Mz. Duff.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
They can govern, but can they name?
In the wake of Eliot Spitzer's resignation as the governor of New York, I present an overview of American governors and their naming failures and successes. Mostly failures. The voter can only hope their fiscal policy is sounder than their taste in names.
The bad:
Sarah Palin (governor of Alaska): husband Todd; son Track; daughters, Bristol, Piper, and Willow. Oh, you know we're on a whole 'nother level with this one, don't you? We start with Sarah and Todd-- young, idealistic, invested in warm winter coats. Normal. Then: Track. Middle name: Andfield? Marks? Lighting? We may never know. Then, Bristol, a lovely name... for a CITY. Honestly, I can understand, if I make myself, the appeal of place names like Savannah, Dakota, etc. But Bristol?! It doesn't even sound attractive! And what possible nickname could there be? Brissy? Piper and Willow are everyday trendiness and not worthy of comment.
Bob Riley (Alabama): wife Patsy; son Rob; daughters Jenice, Krisalyn, and Minda. Of course, the son gets off as a junior, while the girls get stuck with shit. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize what Jenice was. I thought it was a misspelled Venice, not a Jennifer-Janice smush! Krisalyn, obviously a Kristin Carolyn mash-up. I can only hope Minda is short for Melinda, otherwise I'm not sure what to make of it. Was Melinda just too much commitment for the Rileys?
Mitch Daniels (Indiana): wife Cheri; daughters Meagan, Melissa, Meredith, and Maggie. If I were Joan Crawford, believe me, I wouldn't be railing against wire hangers. "NO MORE MATCHING FAMILIES!" would be my cry of choice. I happen to be related to three families that did the "Oh, we'll just use the same letter for every. single. kid's. name." deal, and it's confusing as hell when they grow up and decide to do the same thing. As for the names themselves, I find only Maggie and Meagan objectionable. Maggie is a nickname, period, and Meagan is a stupid '80s spelling. Rather ironic that these are the two bad names, considering they both originally derived from Margaret. Also: do you think Cheri feels left out? I wonder if she doodles "M'Cheri? Mary-Cheri?" and the like in the corner of her First Lady of Indiana "Gos Colts!" day planner?
Bobby Jindal (Louisiana): wife Supriya; sons Shaan Robert and Slade Ryan; daughter Selia Elizabeth. Yes, another matchy sibling set. Well, I'll note here that Selia was the first born, which is so discouraging because you feel like they were almost started on a good path. Celia, correctly spelled, is so lovely. But then the horrors strike and we're left with Slade, that dull rock of a name, and Shaan, which is not Sean or Shane but some awful thing in between, like Frankenstein's monster.
Haley Barbour (Mississippi): wife Marsha; sons Sterling and Haley Jr. (Reeves). Poor Haley. I wonder, when he was young, if he got teased for his name, or if he had any inkling of how hugely popular Haley would one day be... for girls. You would think it couldn't have been too much of a trial, or he wouldn't have passed it down to his son, but family traditions, even the worst ones, have the lifespan of mutant cockroaches. As I noted, Haley Jr. wisely goes by his middle name, Reeves, which has yet to be stolen by the gentler sex. Sterling, on the other hand, spends his life as a descriptive adjective for silver. On the other hand, Sterling Barbour would make a great name for a metrosexual man-about-town or a used car dealer, which are the two paths most likely for a Southern governor's son Oh, Mississippians, always planning ahead.
Brad Henry (Oklahoma): wife Kimberly; daughters Leah, Laynie, and Baylee. Like the Gentleman from Louisiana, here is another case of deceptive naming. We start with Leah, a pretty, traditional, Biblical choice. Then: Laynie. Laynie! Not Elaine or Lorraine or Alaina, or even Madelaine. Laynie. Of course, I still think she got a better moniker than Baylee, who was apparently never supposed to dress in anything but pink, or, oh yeah, age past five years old.
Mark Sanford (South Carolina): wife Jenny; sons Marshall, Landon, Bolton, Blake. The counterpart to "oh, she's so kyooooooot!" girl names like Baylee is the random surname, as exhibited here. Trust, if Mr. and Mrs. Sanford had ever been blessed with a girl, we'd be dealing with a little Brittanie or Haylee. As it is, we're stuck with namesakes for Thurgood Marshall, Michael Landon, Michael Bolton, and William Blake. Who would have thought anyone would ever be mentioning those four in the same sentence!
Rick Perry (Texas): wife Anita; son Griffin; daughter Sydney. This could really go in the "eh" category, but for the fact that Rick Perry annoys the poo out of me. That said, Sydney on a girl is neither jaw-droppingly horrible nor acceptable in any way.
Tim Kaine (Virginia): wife Anne; sons Woody and Nat; daughter Annella. I have to make a big mean judgement here, which I obviously hate to do (stop snickering). Anyone who names their child Woody in this day and age is cruel. I don't care if it was your name, your father's name, your grandfather's name, and so on. I don't care if you have a room in your house devoted to the bartender on Cheers, the largely forgotten Woodrow Wilson, or an computer animated character voiced by Tom Hanks. I don't even care if your son was born looking like a tree and smelling of cedar (though I would like to see pictures). DO NOT NAME A CHILD WOODY. As for the other two, I can only hope Nat is a nickname for Nathan or Nathaniel, and Annella is a nickname for Anne Helen. Mmm... Anne Helen. I'm feeling better already. Time to move on to...
The "Well, That's Not So Bad... I Guess" Families.
To be continued!
The bad:
Sarah Palin (governor of Alaska): husband Todd; son Track; daughters, Bristol, Piper, and Willow. Oh, you know we're on a whole 'nother level with this one, don't you? We start with Sarah and Todd-- young, idealistic, invested in warm winter coats. Normal. Then: Track. Middle name: Andfield? Marks? Lighting? We may never know. Then, Bristol, a lovely name... for a CITY. Honestly, I can understand, if I make myself, the appeal of place names like Savannah, Dakota, etc. But Bristol?! It doesn't even sound attractive! And what possible nickname could there be? Brissy? Piper and Willow are everyday trendiness and not worthy of comment.
Bob Riley (Alabama): wife Patsy; son Rob; daughters Jenice, Krisalyn, and Minda. Of course, the son gets off as a junior, while the girls get stuck with shit. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize what Jenice was. I thought it was a misspelled Venice, not a Jennifer-Janice smush! Krisalyn, obviously a Kristin Carolyn mash-up. I can only hope Minda is short for Melinda, otherwise I'm not sure what to make of it. Was Melinda just too much commitment for the Rileys?
Mitch Daniels (Indiana): wife Cheri; daughters Meagan, Melissa, Meredith, and Maggie. If I were Joan Crawford, believe me, I wouldn't be railing against wire hangers. "NO MORE MATCHING FAMILIES!" would be my cry of choice. I happen to be related to three families that did the "Oh, we'll just use the same letter for every. single. kid's. name." deal, and it's confusing as hell when they grow up and decide to do the same thing. As for the names themselves, I find only Maggie and Meagan objectionable. Maggie is a nickname, period, and Meagan is a stupid '80s spelling. Rather ironic that these are the two bad names, considering they both originally derived from Margaret. Also: do you think Cheri feels left out? I wonder if she doodles "M'Cheri? Mary-Cheri?" and the like in the corner of her First Lady of Indiana "Gos Colts!" day planner?
Bobby Jindal (Louisiana): wife Supriya; sons Shaan Robert and Slade Ryan; daughter Selia Elizabeth. Yes, another matchy sibling set. Well, I'll note here that Selia was the first born, which is so discouraging because you feel like they were almost started on a good path. Celia, correctly spelled, is so lovely. But then the horrors strike and we're left with Slade, that dull rock of a name, and Shaan, which is not Sean or Shane but some awful thing in between, like Frankenstein's monster.
Haley Barbour (Mississippi): wife Marsha; sons Sterling and Haley Jr. (Reeves). Poor Haley. I wonder, when he was young, if he got teased for his name, or if he had any inkling of how hugely popular Haley would one day be... for girls. You would think it couldn't have been too much of a trial, or he wouldn't have passed it down to his son, but family traditions, even the worst ones, have the lifespan of mutant cockroaches. As I noted, Haley Jr. wisely goes by his middle name, Reeves, which has yet to be stolen by the gentler sex. Sterling, on the other hand, spends his life as a descriptive adjective for silver. On the other hand, Sterling Barbour would make a great name for a metrosexual man-about-town or a used car dealer, which are the two paths most likely for a Southern governor's son Oh, Mississippians, always planning ahead.
Brad Henry (Oklahoma): wife Kimberly; daughters Leah, Laynie, and Baylee. Like the Gentleman from Louisiana, here is another case of deceptive naming. We start with Leah, a pretty, traditional, Biblical choice. Then: Laynie. Laynie! Not Elaine or Lorraine or Alaina, or even Madelaine. Laynie. Of course, I still think she got a better moniker than Baylee, who was apparently never supposed to dress in anything but pink, or, oh yeah, age past five years old.
Mark Sanford (South Carolina): wife Jenny; sons Marshall, Landon, Bolton, Blake. The counterpart to "oh, she's so kyooooooot!" girl names like Baylee is the random surname, as exhibited here. Trust, if Mr. and Mrs. Sanford had ever been blessed with a girl, we'd be dealing with a little Brittanie or Haylee. As it is, we're stuck with namesakes for Thurgood Marshall, Michael Landon, Michael Bolton, and William Blake. Who would have thought anyone would ever be mentioning those four in the same sentence!
Rick Perry (Texas): wife Anita; son Griffin; daughter Sydney. This could really go in the "eh" category, but for the fact that Rick Perry annoys the poo out of me. That said, Sydney on a girl is neither jaw-droppingly horrible nor acceptable in any way.
Tim Kaine (Virginia): wife Anne; sons Woody and Nat; daughter Annella. I have to make a big mean judgement here, which I obviously hate to do (stop snickering). Anyone who names their child Woody in this day and age is cruel. I don't care if it was your name, your father's name, your grandfather's name, and so on. I don't care if you have a room in your house devoted to the bartender on Cheers, the largely forgotten Woodrow Wilson, or an computer animated character voiced by Tom Hanks. I don't even care if your son was born looking like a tree and smelling of cedar (though I would like to see pictures). DO NOT NAME A CHILD WOODY. As for the other two, I can only hope Nat is a nickname for Nathan or Nathaniel, and Annella is a nickname for Anne Helen. Mmm... Anne Helen. I'm feeling better already. Time to move on to...
The "Well, That's Not So Bad... I Guess" Families.
To be continued!
Monday, November 19, 2007
ABCs of Popularity
A: Ava (number 5), Andrew (number 8)
B: Brianna (20), Benjamin (24)
C: Chloe (18), Christopher (7)
D: Destiny (37), Daniel (6)
E: Emily (1), Ethan (4)
F: Faith (64), Fernando (151)
G: Grace (17), Gabriel (28)
H: Hannah (8), Hunter (54)
I: Isabella (4), Isaiah (40)
J: Jasmine (29), Jacob (1)
K: Kayla (26), Kevin (37)
L: Lauren (24), Logan (19)
M: Madison (3), Michael (2)
N: Natalie (16), Noah (15)
O: Olivia (7), Owen (58)
P: Paige (76), Patrick (110)
Q: Quinn (540/girls), Quinn (282/boys)
R: Rachel (49), Ryan (14)
S: Sophia (9), Samuel (25)
T: Taylor (22), Tyler (18)
U: None for girls, Uriel (403)
V: Victoria (28), Victor (104)
W: Wendy (354), William (10)
X: Ximena (393), Xavier (78)
Y: Yasmin (324), Yahir (387)
Z: Zoe (54), Zachary (33)
B: Brianna (20), Benjamin (24)
C: Chloe (18), Christopher (7)
D: Destiny (37), Daniel (6)
E: Emily (1), Ethan (4)
F: Faith (64), Fernando (151)
G: Grace (17), Gabriel (28)
H: Hannah (8), Hunter (54)
I: Isabella (4), Isaiah (40)
J: Jasmine (29), Jacob (1)
K: Kayla (26), Kevin (37)
L: Lauren (24), Logan (19)
M: Madison (3), Michael (2)
N: Natalie (16), Noah (15)
O: Olivia (7), Owen (58)
P: Paige (76), Patrick (110)
Q: Quinn (540/girls), Quinn (282/boys)
R: Rachel (49), Ryan (14)
S: Sophia (9), Samuel (25)
T: Taylor (22), Tyler (18)
U: None for girls, Uriel (403)
V: Victoria (28), Victor (104)
W: Wendy (354), William (10)
X: Ximena (393), Xavier (78)
Y: Yasmin (324), Yahir (387)
Z: Zoe (54), Zachary (33)
Thursday, November 8, 2007
The Second and Third of My Celeb Baby Predictions
Sacha Baron-Cohen and Isla Fisher welcomed their daughter on October 19. They have not publically confirmed it, but her name is rumored to be Olive.
How I came out: I got the gender wrong, first off. Darn. I was also wrong about them using a religious name-- though now that I think of it olives are mentioned in the Bible, and some sources state that Noah's dove brought back a leaf from an olive tree after the flood. So I'll give myself half-credit for that.
I was pleasantly surprised by this name. Given Olivia's amazing rise in popularity over the past decade, and the fact that Oliver's coming up right behind it, Olive has been left by the dusty wayside. It's a sedate, plainer version of Olivia and Oliver, but that kind of quietness has it's own charms (see the Fireside Names entry for names in the same style). Additionally, Olive has the forgotten retro feel that is super-hot in artistic urban circles. It's a stand-out choice-- a round of applause to Mr. Cohen and Ms. Fisher.
Famous Olives:
Olive Marie Osmond, better known as Marie Osmond
Olive Higgins Prouty, author of Now, Voyager and Stella Dallas (both of which have been made into movies-- Now, Voyager was a Bette Davis film, and the lovely Barbara Stanwyck appeared in the original Stella Dallas). She was also a patron of the poet Sylvia Plath, providing the scholarship that enabled her to attend Smith and paying for her psychiatric hospitalization after her first suicide attempt. Plath featured a fictionalized version of Prouty in The Bell Jar.
Dennis Quaid and his wife, Kimberly Buffington, welcomed their boy/girl twins, Thomas Boone and Zoe Grace today, November 8. These are their first children together; Dennis has one son, Jack Henry, from his previous marriage to Meg Ryan.
How I Did: They announced the genders, so no surprise there. My thoughts here were "something popular but not misspelled or made-up." And score! Thomas and Zoe are both in the top 100 as of the 2006 United States statistics. I have no clue where Boone came from; Grace is the default middle name choice (along with Rose) of every girl born in the past five years. But overall, I'm very pleased. Thomas and Zoe are flawless choices, and they sound great with Quaid, which is a rather difficult last name to pair things with.
Famous Parents with a Zoe:
John Cassavetes and Gena Rowlands
Woody Harrelson
Samuel L. Jackson
Melina Kanakaredes
Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet
Audra McDonald
Henry Winkler
Famous Parents with a Thomas:
Jamie Lee Curtis and Christopher Haden Guest
How I came out: I got the gender wrong, first off. Darn. I was also wrong about them using a religious name-- though now that I think of it olives are mentioned in the Bible, and some sources state that Noah's dove brought back a leaf from an olive tree after the flood. So I'll give myself half-credit for that.
I was pleasantly surprised by this name. Given Olivia's amazing rise in popularity over the past decade, and the fact that Oliver's coming up right behind it, Olive has been left by the dusty wayside. It's a sedate, plainer version of Olivia and Oliver, but that kind of quietness has it's own charms (see the Fireside Names entry for names in the same style). Additionally, Olive has the forgotten retro feel that is super-hot in artistic urban circles. It's a stand-out choice-- a round of applause to Mr. Cohen and Ms. Fisher.
Famous Olives:
Olive Marie Osmond, better known as Marie Osmond
Olive Higgins Prouty, author of Now, Voyager and Stella Dallas (both of which have been made into movies-- Now, Voyager was a Bette Davis film, and the lovely Barbara Stanwyck appeared in the original Stella Dallas). She was also a patron of the poet Sylvia Plath, providing the scholarship that enabled her to attend Smith and paying for her psychiatric hospitalization after her first suicide attempt. Plath featured a fictionalized version of Prouty in The Bell Jar.
Dennis Quaid and his wife, Kimberly Buffington, welcomed their boy/girl twins, Thomas Boone and Zoe Grace today, November 8. These are their first children together; Dennis has one son, Jack Henry, from his previous marriage to Meg Ryan.
How I Did: They announced the genders, so no surprise there. My thoughts here were "something popular but not misspelled or made-up." And score! Thomas and Zoe are both in the top 100 as of the 2006 United States statistics. I have no clue where Boone came from; Grace is the default middle name choice (along with Rose) of every girl born in the past five years. But overall, I'm very pleased. Thomas and Zoe are flawless choices, and they sound great with Quaid, which is a rather difficult last name to pair things with.
Famous Parents with a Zoe:
John Cassavetes and Gena Rowlands
Woody Harrelson
Samuel L. Jackson
Melina Kanakaredes
Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet
Audra McDonald
Henry Winkler
Famous Parents with a Thomas:
Jamie Lee Curtis and Christopher Haden Guest
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Fireside Names
My latest name obsession has been names that communicate a certain feeling or emotion. Inspired by recent thoughts on Paul and Joel, I started with names that feel warm, friendly, and inviting. In today's world where parents are increasingly obsessed with uniqueness in their kids' names, "nice" names are often left by the wayside. They're derided as boring, unexciting, old-fashioned, blah. But given time and thoughtful consideration, this more gentle breed of names can grow on you; after all, who can't love a name equivalent of sitting by a warm fire on a crisp, fall evening? And the names on this list have plenty of advantages: they're endearing, they age well, and they're increasingly rare (unlike Destiny, Jayden, and all the other "unique" creations).
These are names for the cute, quiet boy in your English class you secretly had a huge crush on, the kind-hearted nurse at the doctor's office who always remembers your baby's name, the friendly boss who makes you glad to come to work in the morning. They may not be flashy, but they will stand your child in good stead for the lifetime to come.
Boys:
Aaron
Bernard
Carl
Clarence
Edward
Francis
Joel
Jude
Laurence
Leonard
Louis
Morgan
Paul
Robert
Roger
Russell
Samuel
Saul
Seth
Stanley
Timothy
Wesley
Girls:
Adele
Alma
Beth
Cecile
Cora
Dorothy
Ellen
Evelyn
Hannah
Julie
Laurel
Leah
Lily
Louise
Marian
Marie
Martha
Miriam
Molly
Pearl
Rose
Ruth
Susan
These are names for the cute, quiet boy in your English class you secretly had a huge crush on, the kind-hearted nurse at the doctor's office who always remembers your baby's name, the friendly boss who makes you glad to come to work in the morning. They may not be flashy, but they will stand your child in good stead for the lifetime to come.
Boys:
Aaron
Bernard
Carl
Clarence
Edward
Francis
Joel
Jude
Laurence
Leonard
Louis
Morgan
Paul
Robert
Roger
Russell
Samuel
Saul
Seth
Stanley
Timothy
Wesley
Girls:
Adele
Alma
Beth
Cecile
Cora
Dorothy
Ellen
Evelyn
Hannah
Julie
Laurel
Leah
Lily
Louise
Marian
Marie
Martha
Miriam
Molly
Pearl
Rose
Ruth
Susan
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