Twins

When I was a kid, there were a series of dolls under the name Magic Nursery. The selling point was that you didn't know if the doll was a boy or a girl until you got it home and ripped off it's little bonnet in a frenzy of anticipation. The boys had flat plastic waves of hair, like Ken of Ken & Barbie, and the girls had a tuft of real hair (or as real as synthetic doll hair gets). It also came with a birth announcement you ran under warm water to reveal the hidden gender.

After much begging, my mother bought me one at Sears', and at home (or maybe even in the car on the way home) I ripped off the hat and found it was a little boy. I was somewhat disappointed, because, hell, girl dolls are always more fun than boy dolls. They have more clothes and more accessories! It's a sad but true statement. But when I ran my baby boy's birth announcement under the faucet in my mom's bathroom it read Twins.

I got to send off for another baby, a little girl. I named her Jennifer Ariel and her brother was Eric, because I loved the Little Mermaid. Of course now I think, "Ew, incest names!"

This whole story is to say that a.) my taste in names is much better than it was then, and b.) I am fascinated by twins and how people name them. Since my Magic Nursery dolls, I've always felt that I was destined by have twins one day. Of course, my sister had a Magic Nursery dog, where you can pull open her velcro stomach and see how many puppies you got, and I don't think she's ever felt destined to have three puppies, one with a little bow on her head.

For about a month I've been tracking the birth announcements of twins published on hospitals' websites. It fascinates me that parents are still so obsessed with matchiness. To go on another tangent, my father was a twin, and when my grandmother was in the hospital shortly after he and his sister were born, the lady in the next bed suggested Bonnie & Donnie as names. My grandmother was appalled and named them John & Victoria, because she was sensible and had good taste. Imagine that!

Twins' birth announcements I've collected:
Adalynn Jane and Gwendalynn Lee
Amanda Lee and Amber Marie
Aubrey Lea and Madison Lea
Emilee Sage and Kate Noel
Layla Ann Marie and Sophie Katherine
Meliah Larose and Miah Rae
Mya Jean and Payge Ann

Bryce David and Zachary Michael
Logun Michael and Luke William

Abby Renee and Owen Robert
Addison Marie and Michael Mark
Allie Jo and Jordy Dillon
A'Mariah Zoe and Edwin
Aqua Marianna and Atchison Bluenyte
Cameren Marie-Kay and Samuel Codi
Faydra and Wyatt
Jessica Rose-Lynn and Joshua Phillip
Kendal Rose and Tucker Erik
Madison Elaine and Luke Michael
Reese Nicole and Ryder Lee
Samantha Elaine and Adam Steven
Seranae Isabela Sierra and Serhue Isaiah Steven

The only ones that aren't misspelled, trendy, or matchy (if not all three) are Samantha Elaine & Adam Steven; Layla Ann Marie & Sophie Katherine; and Bryce David & Zachary Michael. So huzzah to their sleep-deprived parents, and virtual shame to the rest, especially Aqua and Atchison. Is Bluenyte supposed to be blue night, do you think?

Interestingly, this is one place where I think celebrities tend to name better, on average, than the regular public. I'm not sure why. This is a chronological list (youngest to oldest) of twins born to famous folks.

Max & Emme (Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony)
Thomas Boone & Zoe Grace (Dennis Quaid)
John David & Lucy Elizabeth (Nancy Grace)
Eden & Savannah (Marcia Cross)
Sullivan Patrick & Darby Galen (Patrick Dempsey)
Johnnie Rose & Miller Steven (Melissa Etheridge & Tammy Lynn Michaels)
Dexter Henry Lorcan & Frank Harlan James (Elvis Costello & Diana Krall)
Slater Josiah and Bronwyn Golden (Courtney B. Vance and Angela Bassett)
Henry Benjamin & Julianna Tex (Emily Robison, of the Dixie Chicks)
Hudson Harden & Julitta Dee (Marcia Gay Harden)
Kian William & Kaiis Steven (Geena Davis)
Hazel Patricia & Phinnaeus Walter (Julia Roberts)
Kathleen Emilie & Eva Ruth (Martie Maguire, of the Dixie Chicks)
Kate Elizabeth and Max Aaron. Kimberly Elise and Jack Andrew. (Joan Lunden)
Dakota Alan & Danilee Kelly (Chuck & Gena Norris)
Grace Anne & Stella Busina (Dave Matthews)
Henry David & Rufus Logan (James Taylor)
Isabelle Rose & Grace Elisabeth (Lance Armstrong)
Anton James & Olivia Rose (Al Pacino & Beverly D'Angelo)
Maya & Kaila (Justin Chambers)
Aquinnah Kathleen & Schuyler Frances (Michael J. Fox & Tracy Pollan)
Aaron Kendrick & Julian Henry (Robert DeNiro)
Kristopher Steven & John Stacy (Jane Seymour)
Matthew & Gregory (Ray & Anna Romano)
Katya Amelia & Eliza Victoria (Charles & Victoria Spencer, Princess Diana's brother)
Malcolm Hayes & Olivia Rashelle (Denzel & Paulette Washington)
Molly Ariel "Ariel" & Cyrus Zachariah "Zack" (Cybill Shepherd)
Jocelyn Carlyle & Paige Carlyle (Ron Howard)
Richard Ross "Ross" & Rachel Moore (Jane Pauley & Gary Trudeau)
Edward & Christian (Mel Gibson)
Matthew Phineas & Sascha Villiers (Mia Farrow & Andre Previn)
Isabella Fiorella Elettra Giovanna Rossellini & Isotta Ingrid Frieda Giuliana Rossellini (Ingrid Bergman & Roberto Rosselini)

Obviously there are some failures-- Chuck Norris' and Melissa Etheridge's twins stand out-- but there's a lot of beauty there too. I'm particularly impressed with James Taylor, Dave Matthews, Pacino and DeNiro. So, as celebrities and our few real-world parents have demonstrated, succcessful twin naming is possible. Remember: they are not a matched set!